Yet as i think about my dear, sweet brother there is one childhood memory that resonates. Actually it still makes me laugh so hard that i get watery eyed. Zach if you're reading this i hope you don't mind me sharing this story. it's just too good.
so when Zach was about 2 years old, making me 5 and Michael 8, our mother would occasionally leave us at home alone when she would run errands. This one time Michael and I decided it would be funny if we trapped Zach on the balcony, stole his clothes(he was quite the exhibitionist anyway), and played a sort of monkey in the middle, where Zach is on the balcony, naked, while Michael and i were on the first floor below tossing his clothes back and forth to each other over the balcony. Obviously this was a mean game. totally unfair to the naked two year trying to hold to a shred of his dignity. The first time we played this game Michael and I laughed, hard, while Zach cried. But the next we played the game something changed, instead of getting angry and crying, naked Zach decided to make the most of the situation. This came in the form of him pretending like the balcony was a runway, and his little body strutted up and down that hall. He owned it and that image is the one that lives in my memory as one of the funniest moments of my childhood. Zach took a fairly unfortunate situation and made it new. He could have screamed(we wouldn't have listened), he could have tried to fight back(in vain), he could have told on us(only making us want to get back at him), but no, he took the moment and made it his own. The memory is no longer about what Michael and I did, even though our part was the initial joke, it is now about what Zach did, which is infinitely more funny than what his conniving older siblings did.
the more i think about this memory though the more i realize that Zach taught me something that day. you see there is a really extraordinary quality that naked baby Zach embodied in those moments of our childhood. in a big way zach chose joy in a situation which he had no control over. i have this tendency to be a control freak. i love plans. i tend to think that my way of doing things is best and my ideas and plans are superior to others. i especially love for things to go according to plan, but God in His great graces rarely allows that to happen to me, actually i think i can safely say that things never go according to plan in my life. It's taken me years to realize that this is a display of God's grace and love and even more years to begin to release my anaconda squeeze on my agenda.
Things don't go the way that i want them to very often and every time i lose control of a situation i have two options, self pity or joy.
knee jerk reaction? self pity. grovelling. giving up. storming out. fighting God.
what zach taught me? own it.
My little brother has no idea that he taught me this, but he showed me that even though it's hard, when we are faced with circumstances beyond our control, we can choose joy. we can choose to make the most. we can choose to change our reality. Sure he was still naked on a balcony, but this time his brother and sister weren't laughing at him, we were laughing with him. he made it new.
That being said, in case no one noticed it's a new year. a time for change and resolutions.
this year i want to try something new. Instead of approaching life with a vice grip on my plans and struggling everyday to "let go and let God", i want to spend my year as an exhibitionist of the heart, stripped down with open hands ready for the Lord to send whatever He wants my way. Somethings will be good, somethings will be hard, but all of them can be joyful if i choose joy. i want to be that toddler on the balcony laughing at the days to come, embracing that which i have no control over. turning the difficult into the beautiful, the joyful, the memorable.
this year i resolve to choose joy.
this year i resolve to be an exhibitionist.
thank you zach.
thank you for choosing Jesus.
-abigail.
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| the goals of 2013 |
