as i sit here in my bed, laptop sitting on my stomach, fingers resting on the keyboard, brain scampering down roughly 15 side streets; i find myself in the same place i've been about 100 times in the last 16 months. searching. not so much searching. wandering.
and then just like that. a light. a moment. a glimmer. a thought.
you see, my mind and heart have been on a journey together; a journey of endless night. wandering down moonlit alleys, checking every last crevice for some semblance of light. of life. traveling through miles of unfamiliar territory with what few stars remain guiding the way. and yet the wandering has been aimless and the findings have been few, leaving behind nothing but two tired shells of knowledge and emotion. but all is not lost. if the heart wants what the heart wants, then a heart set upon freedom will not quietly submit to schackles. not without a fight. and when the heart and mind set themselves upon the same goal, they make a nearly unstoppable team.
people are always quick to remind that the decisions you make today will affect the rest of your life. i am always quick to dismiss this.
and yet the niggling in the pit of my stomach demands i examine further the truth lying beneath the cliche. this is one of the darkened alleys that heart and mind wander down. and there, in a corner or a crack or a crevice or at the bottom of a barrel, smoldering, lies an ember. that glimmer. that thought.
the reminder that the thoughts, attitudes and actions that heart and mind choose today will indeed, for better or worse, affect tomorrow and the next day and everyday that follows.
a fork. a choice. the difference between hope and tears. the difference between angst and perspective.
the choice being glaringly simple and yet arduously puzzling. the two cannot meet.
thus leaving heart and mind, standing silently, with glittering eyes, over a single ember, attempting to make sense of it all, of that little glimmer. the glimmer which tells them that they must choose.
a choice is made, a thought is born, an ember burns on.
whether the today is good or bad, the day will not break any sooner because of an acceptance of the dark.
thus heart and mind press on, through the endless night, with a simple ember to remind of the joy found in the light. no matter how the light comes, be it a wildfire or the blinding beams from the sun, it will come. the wandering is not in vain, weak heart and mind. hold fast.
the smallest spark can start the largest flame. so burn on you fervent ember.
.a.
