See heres a little abbie fact: I get really REALLY excited about things quickly and easily, and then once i actually experience the thing that i'm excited about my excitement fizzles off and i lose interest. its kinda like a sugar high. its just that i love getting behind things and building them up...but i have a really short attention span, and i think i get bored a little too easily. i wish i would stick to my guns and finish things as well as i start them...but that almost never happens...character flaw? i think yes. on the upside though Jesus is one thing i never get tired off or lose interest in, so i guess thats really all that matters.
Speaking of Jesus, my head is in a daze right now. for real. i have this problem(gonna make myself sound like a kook) where when i've got a lot going on in my head and i try to be still and think for a second it feels like all my thoughts are yelling at me. they're like, hey we're important, give us some attention. unfortunately there are not enough hours in a day to give all my thoughts attention(i'm an over thinker with and over active imagination...bad combo.) what am i talking about? who knows? not me. i feel like i was going somewhere with all of this and then poof. i lost it. hm. oh yes, ok, so my head is so so full of all of these thoughts. thoughts about Jesus and how i'm supposed to live my life.
First off, i've been slapped in the face with the fact that I SUCK AT EVANGELISM. but really. God has recently placed a really neat discipleship opportunity in my lap and i'm running with it, but this girl i'm discipling is a stud and wants me to train her on how to evangelize, which is like awesome on the one hand but on the other hand its like, oh crap, i gotta live this too. its been tough seeing God purposely place me in a situation that highlights one of my greatest inadequacies, but its also amazing cause He promises that in our weakness He will make us strong, so i'm super pumped to see how it all plays out and how God uses this to shape my story of His love and faithfulness.
Secondly, i recently watched the film Beware of Christians, not once but twice, and it rocked my world both times. It validated all the thoughts on identity, materialism, money, church, and Christ Himself, that have been spinning through my brain. It was such an encouragement to see guys who not only love The Lord, but are doing something about it and are trying to change the game. I get so tired of complacency(and am completely guilty) and especially boys who are saying they live for Christ but are complacent and it was so refreshing to see these guys actually living out their walk and reminding us all the cost of the cross and the life that comes with it. but man alive did it ever make me long for more....which leads me to my next jumble of thoughts.
Thirdly(this is where i get hokey and you all stop reading cause i sound like a justin bieber wanna be), have you ever felt like you were made for more? i almost can't believe i'm blogging about this cause its weird and sounds snooty and prideful, but thats not at all what i'm going for. i just mean that i often feel like i'm so limited here, like i haven't taken enough chances and risks to see what Christ could truly do through me. I feel like God gave me this whole set of skills and abilities that often lie dormant because they aren't applicable in everyday life. it is in a word disheartening. I just keep hoping and praying that God will give me His vision for my life, yet i know that He has placed me right here right now for a specific purpose. I just daily wish that i was doing more, sharing more. That i would have the opportunities to share more of my Jesus with more and more people. I mean i don't even know, but i just feel like i was made for more than fayetteville, arkansas. i could be completely wrong, and probably am, but thats what i feel and my soul occasionally aches for the unknown more that i project myself into being made for. But seriously, i have experienced the overwhelmingly undeserved grace of a perfect savior and if God's plan for my life is to sit alone in a room for the rest of my life for His glory, i will take it. I would rather live a life empty of the world and my desires and full of Him than live a life my own agenda any day. cause i deserve nothing yet have been given everything. Christ being everything. Thats one thing i'm constantly thinking about: Louie giglio talked about how people accept Christ as an end to a means, they want prosperity, security, and their various other desires, so they accept Christ. But heres the catch folks, christ isn't a means to an end....He is the end. He's it, He's all we could ever ask or imagine. and thats awesome.
this post is by far the most spacey of any post. y'all probably think i'm coked up. but i'm not, this is just exactly how my head works....exactly.
i want an adventure.
-abbie
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