A Hopeful Transmission

Ok so I just read my friend Sadie's blog and was inspired to do what she had done in her blog, thought it was a pretty good way to get me thinking and get the juices flowing in my brain, so here goes.

Currently I am....
....sitting in Arsagas trying to avoid eye contact with my professor who just walked in(i am confident that she: a. doesn't know my name, and b. hates me)

....listening to my knew favorite song, U.F.O by coldplay, i am absolutely raving over their new album. if i could only listen to one band for the rest of my life it would be coldplay, hands down.

......missing my best friends Karly Kenyon, Meredith Dunn, and Meredith Hawkins. lost without them.

.....praying that God will do work in teaching me how to be administrative

.....wondering what the Lord has in store for me as the new president of IJM at the U of A.

.....wondering what the Lord has in store for me for the summer, New Life? Summer School? Internship? I HAVE NO IDEA. but i like it that way.

....pondering how it is just so funny that God can completely change everything you thought you ever wanted in the blink of an eye and to your surprise you find out that the new thing is actually what you wanted...you just never knew it until you let go.

....thinking about how homesick i am for Heaven. my heart longs to be with Jesus. I don't care about bucket lists or changing the world before I die, sure those are good adventures along the way, but in this one the destination is way more beautiful than the journey. I wanna meet my Savior face to face. Hug Him. see Him smile like I have never seen anyone smile because it will be full of perfect and complete joy and love. I have tears in my eyes thinking about that moment. I can't wait. I pray that I live a life here on Earth that is evidence to Him of just how much I love Him, because my love for Him is beyond reason and explanation, and its because His love for me is outside of reason and explanation. Beautiful.

......also i am avoiding homework..dang it, why am i the worst?

I have this problem where all i want to do is throw myself head first into EVERY opportunity, I don't want to miss things, I don't want to miss out on opportunities to do what I am passionate about, but I do that at the expense of my responsibilities. My greatest battle is that between ministry opportunities and school responsibilities. I think about dropping out every single day without fail. I pray every day that God give me a heart for school, but its just so hard when i'm not even learning about Him and at that not even liking my major...but then i remember, just a year and a half and then i'm done and i can truthfully say "here I am Lord, send me". GOSH I LOVE JESUS. I love Him so much. I can't even contain myself.

-Abbie.

ALSO i am currently consumed with my desire to be in Florida RIGHT NOW. my family is going for thanksgiving and i am potentially going in 2 weekends and its all i can think of cause i just want sunshine and the sea. the ocean is my love language. but really.

love and war and the sea in between.

"Here I stand before Your throne, asking You to be the voice of the dreamer. Be the whisper. Hush the voice of doubt. Hush the fear of failure. The voice that tells me that I am in over my head, of course I am, but You are the sea and You are the life boat. You surround. This could be a 'set your sail and risk the ocean' moment. So boldly I will raise the anchor and cut the rope that ties me to the shore of certainty, to the shore of safety. My flesh longs to stay tied to the dock, but my soul yearns for the storm, to find You in the hurricane. In high tide and in low tide, faithful You remain. There is nothing to fear in Your seas, all that exists are waves of mercy and grace. Give me storms when i need them and smooth waters when You permit. And even if this ship goes down and the journey ends, I will know that is has only just begun and You will always remain. You, my choppy waters. You, my hurricane. You, my driving winds and pelting rain. You, my rays of sunlight. You, my crystal sea. You, my life vest. You, my light house. You, my starry night. You remain the same."
(journal entry, 9-25-2011)

That is my heart.

i love my Savior and i love the sea.

i want to be bold. i want to love fearlessly. i want my life to be risky. i want to thrive in the uncertainty. i want to traipse courageously into the unknown grasping the hand of Jesus. i want to bypass any notion of rationality or logic and simply follow Him, even when it doesn't make sense and the whole world tells me i am a fool. I still want to say yes to His beckoning.

i want an adventure.

-abbie.