BIG

So i was listening to U2 the other day, this song called Kite and it says:
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

These words really got me thinking about the life that I lead as a follower of Jesus Christ.
the human tendency is to fear death, then all of the sudden you fall in love with Jesus and out of nowhere death becomes this kind of beautiful destiny. It turns into something that you no longer fear and suddenly, though it sounds odd, crave. Not in a morbid way, simply in the sense that you are so in love with Jesus and so out of love with this world that you naturally desire to be with Him, no fear in death.
This brings up something interesting though that i have basically never, ever thought about. I'm no longer afraid to die, but am i not afraid to live?
because if i'm really honest, i am afraid to live.
something i would truly rather not admit, but quite frankly it's true.
i mean really stop and think about what it means to truly LIVE for Christ. That's some heavy stuff.
it's so much easier to just sit back and tell people that i'm just along for the ride, going with the flow, that i'm simply letting opportunity come.
but what does that really mean? where is the risk in that?
the goal of life is not to arrive safely at death. i know that's cheesy and probably super cliche, but there is so much truth behind those simple words.
my life should not look safe. my life should not be lived in fear. It's just that there is so much joy in Jesus and so much joy in the anticipation of eternity, but this life can often times feel like such a daunting waiting time, such a period of patience and perseverance. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
I mean come on! have i ever even read the Bible? John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, I came that may have life and have it abundantly".
I've never really thought about it this way, but Jesus isn't just talking about having abundant life in eternity, or abundant life free from sin(which obviously it means both of those things), but Jesus came that we could live fully, every single day, not live safely. This life is big and full of so much opportunity. i feel so silly writing these words because as i write them i can't help but think that i must be so far from Christ to not have thought about these things yet. i just think that i'm scared of living because of my fear of failure. fear of being the reason that someone doesn't see Jesus, being the reason that someone stays stagnant or complacent in their or being the reason that someone perceives scripture wrong. sure these fears are valid, but them ruling me is sick. them ruling me is not even me living in Christ. it's me living in sin and letting the devil grab hold of my heart and my weakness and my pride. yikes, that cuts.
another fear is valuing the wrong things, putting my support and time into things that lack eternal value. but the truth is TONS of things can have eternal value, and no matter what we're doing can be and, if we're living in Christ, will be for the glory of the Father.

All i know is one thing. life is beautiful. think of the beauty in creation, across the board, that the Lord has created for us to delight in, to see Him in, to share with others, to serve Him with, and to steward back to Him. Gosh He has given us so much. So much to have fun with and take joy in and love. He's given us so many trails to run and mountains to climb, so many stars to gaze at and waves to splash in. So many tears to shed in laughter and pain, so many precious little hands to hold and many, many hands to let go of. we have battles to fight, some to win and some to lose, and some to lay to rest, because the journey was the important part, not the end result. we have sunrises and sunsets and dawns and midnights. we have 26 letters worth of endless possibilities. don't even get me going on all of the laughter that lies in this one wild and reckless life. lets laugh at the days to come and the one that we're in right now.

i guess this is nothing but a reminder to myself to take joy in this life. it's a gift, it's a delight, it's a once in a lifetime. Heaven will be beautiful and incomparable, but we get this one, limited time offer to bring the eternal to the present. I cannot wait for what's ahead, my heart dwells on eternity frequently, but the good and faithful servant that i want to be is one who does well with all that has been given. i don't want to miss out on this journey. i need to open my eyes to the opportunity that lies in every crevice of this life, instead of just looking for the chances that sparkle.
this is a lot of my thoughts the past two days.
dream big folks, for we have a BIG GOD.

-abbie.