HELLO. I did it again. I completely forgot about the blogging world because i think it was some little part of my mind that got bundled with school and since i was done with school i guess i forgot that i was not done with blogging, so here goes, 2 in 1.
alright, so you know, i am completely uninspired by this prompt. I am probably one of the last people to put action to ambition, i'm not really sure why, i think its because i've always dreamt BIG and been frequently disappointed by the outcome. From birthdays parties to real desires like tryouts for dance teams, i always get my hopes up to a realistically unattainable height and then i just end up wanting more. I think i tend to not put action behind ambitions and aspirations because it saves from disappointment. I really think that outside of the obvious(i'm an english major because i want to be an english teacher) there is basically no aspiration that i have partnered with action in 2010, at least none that i can think of. I'm sorry that this is so cut and dry but the honest truth is that i am a mediocre person, who accepts the fact that she is nowhere near above average in any human value, and accepts the fact that in comparison to many she possesses no outstanding skill. i. am. average. i like it that way, i have learned that the hard way, and anymore it spares me from the embarrassment of pride. i always wanted to be above average, i always wanted to be known, to be recognized. i realize now that it is not for me, whats for me is to trust God and obey Him and serve Him whether or not people notice, and thats what i want. not lofty ambition and aspiration....does that cover the question?
2. December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Well doesn't this just go hand in hand with the last question. The thing i have learned to most appreciate throughout the past year, but especially the past three months.
Ever since I was little(i'm embarrassed to admit this) i have had this greatness complex. I honestly always thought that i was or would be something great. I always thought that i was cool, purely based on the fact that on a mediocre level many things have come naturally to me. Sports, dance, acting, and cracking jokes all came pretty naturally to me at a young, i never really had to try very hard to fit in. The honest truth is that God has blessed me and i let my pride consume me. This idea of my own coolness kinda turned me into a competitive, jealous freak. Obviously when you think yourself great in one area your pride is gonna grow and make you think you're great in every way, well this happened to me, things were easy...until they weren't. This semester God decided to remind me of my weakness, in every single area. Suddenly things that have always been easy were no longer easy. I transfered to a much less academically prestigious school and ended struggling more with my classes then i did at John Brown. Many other things happened that add(i won't elaborate to save myself the embarrassment), but to say the least i have been shutdown, blown off, rejected, embarrassed, and glazed over more times in 5 months than in my entire life. For about 2 weeks i had a full on pity party and cried every day, but then i realized, THIS IS THE BIGGEST GIFT GOD COULD EVER GIVE ME. it was like the skies cleared and all was right with the world again. I realized that God made me average, he gifted me with a certain level of natural ability but nothing over the top. Its for Him and i misused the gifts He gave. I am average. i have my good days and my bad days. But the only thing that matters, the only thing that makes me special, is that I belong to Him, I am my beloveds and He is mine. So weaknesses, bring it on. I am His. And that is and always will be enough for me.
-Abbie Lay
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