FAIL

So obviously i have failed at reverb10 in a really really big way. blog fail my friends, thats heavy stuff. anyway it has been officially 9 days since i've blogged which in the life of a normal person would be, well, normal; but in the life of a reverber it is bad, real bad. So i figured since its christmas i will perform a little christmas miracle and pick up reverbin again, i'm not gonna try to make up for the one i didn't do...i do have a life, but i will do todays and hopefully the days after. here goes.

December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]

BOOMTOWN. i love this one.

(from left to right: Josh Fohner, KK Shadrach, Maggie Stehlik, Sara Pascoe, me, Luke Petermann)

Ok, so this picture is probably my favorite of 2010. It was from the fall retreat that i went to with the cell group that i lead. At fall retreat this past year we had an 80s themed night and it was a blast, dancing, pictures, crazy clothes...all the ingredients of a super fun night. One of the girls sara is in my cell group that i lead, KK and maggie are both in a cell group that i don't lead but i have spent tons of time with in 2010 and have really come to know and love, luke and josh are dear friends whom i really respect and love being in ministry with, they lead a cell group of guys that are the same age as my girls(10th grade). This picture is so fun and bright and light hearted, much like myself, but i love it because it captures a little piece of the ministry that adore so so much. I think i love this picture because it shows who i am, fun and crazy, but it also shows what i hold dear and who i want to be. I hold my ministry dear and want to be a leader that is a servant of the Lord God. I don't know, i just love it and it represents so much that is important to me and a part of me. so there you have it.

-abster

Blogsville USA

i should really get some sort of award for being a good blogger. but not really.

December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.(this is gonna be hard because i have a terrible memory when i try to remember things, so good luck to me.)

Memphis-the last time me and my cell girls will ever go together, once again life changing. I never want to forget the moments with my girls and the beautiful children we ministered to.

Belize-WOW. never forget.

The day my nephew was born, i want to remember that sleeping in the waiting room and not leaving the hospital for over 12 hours is totally worth getting to be one of the first people to see a new, beautiful little life begin.

Crossland pick up days-i nanny and i never want to forget crossland days, the good and the bad, those kids are precious and say the most wonderful things!

Hard nanny days-I want to remember these days for when i'm a mom so that i can be prepared and be able to remind myself thats even when its bad every moment is still valuable and every hard day is worth it.

CRU fall retreat- wonderful bonding time with my best friend

study sessions for art history in Mullins with Kelly

Late talks with Megan Toney-BLESSING.

Family Thanksgiving in Destin- wonderful blessing bonding time

EVERY MOMENT WITH MY CELL GIRLS-no joke.

Ravencrest-what an experience to go back again but as a leader

My Amazing Race themed birthday party, best ever.

wow, that really flew by, yea i guess those are the most significant memories...so so many more that cover the year, those don't even touch it, but those are the biggest and my favorites to think about! I'm so blessed, yikes!

December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst

Oh my goodness, I have to brag on my dear dear friend Megan Toney. She has been one of the dearest, most precious friends i have ever had and over the past year has been an enormous blessing. Megan and I became friends randomly, we drove together to tulsa, and have stayed a very random, but wonderful pair of friends. She is truly amazing, God has shown me so so much through her and her words of insight and wisdom, if i was deserted on an island and could only take 5 people, she would be one of them. We could talk for hours and hours about everything. She is a constant reminder to turn my eyes towards Jesus in the good and the bad. To remember that i am his and i am valued by him no matter what the world tells me, no matter how invaluable i feel to those around me. We are kindred spirits and she will always be a dear friend who i miss with all my heart!

-Abbie Lay

average.

HELLO. I did it again. I completely forgot about the blogging world because i think it was some little part of my mind that got bundled with school and since i was done with school i guess i forgot that i was not done with blogging, so here goes, 2 in 1.

1. December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

alright, so you know, i am completely uninspired by this prompt. I am probably one of the last people to put action to ambition, i'm not really sure why, i think its because i've always dreamt BIG and been frequently disappointed by the outcome. From birthdays parties to real desires like tryouts for dance teams, i always get my hopes up to a realistically unattainable height and then i just end up wanting more. I think i tend to not put action behind ambitions and aspirations because it saves from disappointment. I really think that outside of the obvious(i'm an english major because i want to be an english teacher) there is basically no aspiration that i have partnered with action in 2010, at least none that i can think of. I'm sorry that this is so cut and dry but the honest truth is that i am a mediocre person, who accepts the fact that she is nowhere near above average in any human value, and accepts the fact that in comparison to many she possesses no outstanding skill. i. am. average. i like it that way, i have learned that the hard way, and anymore it spares me from the embarrassment of pride. i always wanted to be above average, i always wanted to be known, to be recognized. i realize now that it is not for me, whats for me is to trust God and obey Him and serve Him whether or not people notice, and thats what i want. not lofty ambition and aspiration....does that cover the question?

2. December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

Well doesn't this just go hand in hand with the last question. The thing i have learned to most appreciate throughout the past year, but especially the past three months.

Ever since I was little(i'm embarrassed to admit this) i have had this greatness complex. I honestly always thought that i was or would be something great. I always thought that i was cool, purely based on the fact that on a mediocre level many things have come naturally to me. Sports, dance, acting, and cracking jokes all came pretty naturally to me at a young, i never really had to try very hard to fit in. The honest truth is that God has blessed me and i let my pride consume me. This idea of my own coolness kinda turned me into a competitive, jealous freak. Obviously when you think yourself great in one area your pride is gonna grow and make you think you're great in every way, well this happened to me, things were easy...until they weren't. This semester God decided to remind me of my weakness, in every single area. Suddenly things that have always been easy were no longer easy. I transfered to a much less academically prestigious school and ended struggling more with my classes then i did at John Brown. Many other things happened that add(i won't elaborate to save myself the embarrassment), but to say the least i have been shutdown, blown off, rejected, embarrassed, and glazed over more times in 5 months than in my entire life. For about 2 weeks i had a full on pity party and cried every day, but then i realized, THIS IS THE BIGGEST GIFT GOD COULD EVER GIVE ME. it was like the skies cleared and all was right with the world again. I realized that God made me average, he gifted me with a certain level of natural ability but nothing over the top. Its for Him and i misused the gifts He gave. I am average. i have my good days and my bad days. But the only thing that matters, the only thing that makes me special, is that I belong to Him, I am my beloveds and He is mine. So weaknesses, bring it on. I am His. And that is and always will be enough for me.

-Abbie Lay

mermaids.

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

OK, well there have actually been many moments when i've experienced body integration. Its not that I can choose one single moment when it has happened but it happens every time i'm in the water. I absolutely love water, being underwater is one of my top five favorite places to be. I'm like the opposite of ariel, ursula could have my voice any day if it meant i could breath under water, this is seriously not a joke. call me crazy but the weightlessness of being underwater is the greatest gift from God. Anyway i know it sounds silly but i feel so alive when i am underwater, there's no thought or question just peaceful, quiet stillness. I literally consider the pool in the backyard of my house to be one of the greatest gifts that I have been given. I realize that all of this makes me sound like a crazy person, its strange that the most alive moments i can think of from 2010 is swimming, but as i've shared before i love the water. I love to think about the crazy, mysterious water world that God has created. The uncharted waters. The undiscovered water life. The depths of the sea that are so far down that it would crush your lungs if you tried to reach it. WHAT? ok, i'll stop. i love water.

-abbie the mermaid...seriously though, i wish i was. i wish more than anything that they existed so i could be one. its out of control.

P.S. i have had one recurring dream since i was a child and it is that i'm swimming in a pool and i run out of breath and accidently gasp underwater, first i'm terrified that i'm about to drown, then i realize WHOA, i can breath underwater, then all is right in the world. i'm obsessed.

one for the road.

Ok, how bout one more for the night, just for kicks and giggles...who needs sleep anyway right?

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. selfishness

2. jealousy

3. a competitive spirit

4. discontentment

5. bitterness

6. anxiety

7. distrust

8. expectations

9. impatience

10. my will

alright, well these can all fit into one major category and that is called: INSECURITY.

I have in a big way struggled with the concept of trust my entire life, i'm not sure if its chalked up to the fact that i'm planner/dreamer or that as a child life was unpredictable, but i have such a hard time with the idea of "letting go and letting God", now I honestly couldn't think of one reason that i would have to not trust God, and i know we all struggle with trust, but i just fight so hard to keep a hand on the reins. To be completely honest, i'm sick of it. I'm so tired of having expectations and plans and then ending up disappointed or hurt of embarrassed because i did it all instead of putting God in control. So whats the goal for 2011? TO GIVE UP! I'm done being the one living my life, i want Jesus to flow through these veins! Now i know not all of those fit into the distrust issue, the bitterness, competitiveness, and jealousy are a different bread of insecurity that need to be uprooted and gotten rid of, I have recently, through the Holy Spirit, absolved one of the longest standing competitive feuds of my life and it is SO FREEING, Praise the Maker, He is good. What truly needs to happen is that I need to daily, take up my cross and follow HIM. He is all that matters, He is more than enough, He has saved me, why would I want to do anything other than live my life for Him?

the end.

-ross.

^a nickname from the great tiffany pennington.

Remember me?

oh, hi, yes its abbie lay, the one who said she would blog everyday....well hello blog fail.

I have been insanely busy the past few days with finals and all free time was reserved for sleeping so blogging hasn't been high on my list of priorities, but here is my sad attempt to make up for lost time.

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Alright, now if you know me you know that nothing brings a smile to my face quite like dancing, and its an added bonus if I can make people laugh while i'm dancing. With this knowledge in mind i bring you my party of the year. One of the first weekend of October i went on a fall retreat with CRU(the ministry i'm involved with on campus) and on the last night we had a big barn dance in the open pavilion. Now this being our first time at CRU fall retreat katherine anne and i didn't quite know what to expect so we dressed according to our first instinct(exactly how FSM's barn bash had trained us), so while all the other girls are curling their hair, putting on dresses, and retouching their makeup katherine anne and i are slidding into our overalls and flannels(the same overalls that i've had since a mission trip in the 9th grade...5 years.). Needless to say we looked absolutely ridiculous and out of place. We spent the first 20 minutes moping and looking like lonely, homely wall flowers, then the partner dancing ceased and we decided to suck it up and take advantage of the opportunity to have fun. For the next 3 hours katherine anne and i danced like maniacs, tearing up the dance floors and acquiring many confused stares and joyful laughs along the way. Once again if you know i am not scared or intimidated by many people and am definitely not worried about having a few people stare as i proceed to have fun...and in this case i had the most fun EVER. Definitely the best dance party of 2010, and there were many more before and after that, but trust me, this one went above and beyond.

Now for reverb #2!

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Goodness this is a tough one, well lets start by saying that at 19 i'm not always the wisest human being, but i'm also not an idiot, the biggest thing that comes to mind though is derived from the biggest event in my life over the past year, this would be my decision to transfer colleges. I started my freshman year of college at John Brown University, in Siloam. It was the school that i had been dreaming about attending since i was 9, it was where i had wanted to be for years and years, it was a legacy(my older sister went there) and finally i was my turn. My contentment in the school flip-flopped over the next 7 months, i could never figure out if i loved it or hated it, i was unhappy with the education program and didn't know if i could handle 3 more years. I was disappointed with the spiritual atmosphere and didn't feel like i was being challenged in my faith, and the three times that i did feel challenged it only pushed me closer to deciding to transfer. Every message that touched my heart just made me want to spread the gospel and love the lost, not sit in my JBU bubble and be complacent. Then came the final straw, basically i interviewed for and got an R.A. position in my dear, sweet dorm, only to find out that the compensation didn't cover nearly as much of room and board as we had hoped, plus John Brown's tuition was steadily rising. This brought me to a difficult decision, is this school worth the money that i'm paying for it? In twenty years, when i'm still paying off loans, will i be able to honestly say that it was worth it? or will i be disabling myself to do the Lord's work by tying all this debt around my ankles. After much prayer, many conversations, and about a billion tears i decided that i just couldn't do it, i couldn't put my parents into more debt, i couldn't put myself into more debt, and i especially couldn't do that to my future family. So, in the end i transfered to the university of arkansas and i absolutely love it. it was so clearly God's plan to give me what i thought i wanted(JBU) and then show me that what was really right for me was the last place i wanted to go(UofA). It was the wisest decision because it stemmed from trusting God, trusting that maybe i could start over, that maybe somewhere unexpected was the perfectly right place to be. It is such a blessing, for so many reasons that I won't go into, but God is faithful, my ministry is so much more fruitful now that I am in fayetteville closer to the things closest to my heart. It is so good. God is so good.

-aBBie.

something beautiful

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful

well if anyone knows me they know that i am quite different! In an interview once, when asked what made her so funny, lucille ball responded by saying, "i'm not funny, i'm bold." I think that kinda sums it up. I think what makes me so different is that i'm bold. I might get scared to try new things, but its my boldness that forces me to carry through. I hate the thought of missing out on experiences that might be great or beautiful. I think that one part of me that lights people up is the way that my boldness manifests itself in relationships. Sure my boldness might make me funny or witty or sarcastic cause i'm not afraid of what people will say, but i think it takes even more boldness and courage to be and do what doesn't come naturally. Its easy for me to be funny and silly, whats more difficult is having the boldness to calm down and allow God to use me as a blessing in someones life. God has been teaching me a lot this past year that there is more about me that people value than just my humor. I know that it sounds silly but it is the truth, God's really been showing me how to let Him be what's bold and beautiful in me. I don't know, probably none of this makes sense, but i think the beautiful things are the things that are difficult, the still, quiet, and gentle spirit(which i am trying to grow). Thats about it! Have a lovely dead day!

-abbie lay

a new home

reVERB

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

So ever since the 4th grade I have been a part of ministry at Fellowship Bible Church. It has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, but when i graduated high school I also graduated fellowship student ministries, that was really tough, it had been my life for 9 years and suddenly it was gone. Now, this post is gonna be short and sweet because i wrote a seven page paper today and quite frankly i don't really feel like writing, but i'm going to because i made a commitment, and i care about those. Anyhow, to get to the point this semester Fellowship launched its first ever COLLEGE MINISTRY complete with cell groups and as of last week its own service on sunday mornings. This has been a complete surprise and total blessing! WOW! I wasn't ready to be an adult and go "big church", but i need community and fellowship, and God gave it. He is so good at providing for needs. LOVE fellowship college. LOVE LOVE LOVE the community with believers, old friends and new friends. so overjoyed. oh boy. thats all.

-abs mcgee

crafty

reverb10? yes please.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

So over the past year I have created many wonderful(to me) crafts. I've painted, decoupaged(is that a word?), decorated, hot glued, tie-dyed, and the list goes on, but there is one creation that is recent that has me very excited...i absolutely love it. This christmas I made a wreath, a lovely, sparkly, ribbony, bowey, ornamenty, christmas wreath! I have been really excited about decorating my apartment for Christmas this year and haven't gotten super dar cause of school, but with the wreath completed it gives me hope that i will actually get christmasized. So yea, thats my most recent creation, it wasn't hard or even that creative, but it warms my heart and makes me incredibly happy! there ya have it, create on my friends!

This is my wreath, you can't see it super well but the ribbons are SPARKLY lime green and sheer SPARKLY pink!! i am obsessed. the balls hanging from it are sparkly lime green. AH! christmas joy.

-Abbie.

cold hands, warm heart.

Reverb numero dos of december five 2010. lets rock.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

HOOOOOO BOY. where does one start? So much has been let go of, so much has been forgiven and forgotten, so much has been said goodbye too. I guess the biggest most, vague thing i've let go of this year is expectations. I am a dreamer in the biggest way possible. I love to dream which is not always a good thing, it often comes back to bite me in the area of discontentment, this was revealed to me continuously in the past year. I had expectations of my school which were painfully dashed, and had expectations of people I care for that were equally destroyed and were equally painful. Finally I decided I had to put an end to it, I could no longer live this way, always expecting and always ending up disappointed. I longed to be surprised, i longed to be grateful for the good and learn from the bad. So I did, through the strength of the Lord I was finally able to let go of expectations. Now don't get me wrong, it takes a daily denial of self and dependence on the Lord, but for the first time in my life I'm in a place where I can let the Lord surprise me and I can thank Him for His blessing without preconceived notions.

thats that.

-abbielay.

Filled with wonder

Prompt:

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

So i realize this prompt was meant for yesterday, but there are some days where you are not on the computer at all, therefore making it difficult to blog. Its all a viscious cycle really. Now, on to the point.

There have been many times that i have been filled with wonder over the past 11 1/2 months, but none stand out more than the moment that i realized that I realized that in this life i long for one thing beyond any Earthly desire. I long for eternity.

I was sitting in chapel at JBU during the spring semester of 2010 and there was a song called you hold me now that was being played. The gist of the song was that someday we will be joined with the Lord for eternity but for now while we are on Earth He is holding us and guiding us and loving us and no matter what happens we can handle it because we have Him! WHAT? come on, why would you not want to be completely in love and in awe of a God who loves beyond reason and gives hope for both now and the future. holy moly. how do you even process that. now hear me out since the day I accepted Christ I have known that I am promised eternity, but it simply hit me on that day that I want to live for eternity. I want to live everyday as if tomorrow I am going home to be with my Lord, what a beautiful sense of urgency. What a beautiful sign of wonder.

-abster.

Moments

Reverb10 day 3 my friends

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

so my moment isn't so much a moment as it is a compilation of a bunch of little moments that made up one of my favorite days of the year 2010.

Imagine an island. A beautiful island. Sand. Sea. Wind blowing through your hair. The sun beating on you in the best way possible. Smell the salt and the faint scent of fish. Then all of the sudden you're on a boat out to sea. your completely surrounded by the bright blue water, dancing with the ebb and flow of the tides. Glittering like diamonds from the sun. Then you're underwater, hanging out with the fish and nurse sharks and the barrier reef. Exactly what you've imagined it to be. Seeing one of God's greatest mysterious right in front of you. Face to face with creatures that are nearly alien because they live and exist so differently than we do. Now you're on the patio of a local restaurant blissfully exhausted from the excitement and adventure of the day. Feeling the tiredness that only the sun can inflict. You watch the sun set of the horizon, over the endless sea. And for a moment you feel more. He is there, the creator of the universe is standing with you, welling with joy over the indescribable beauty that is so close yet so far. Far from understanding, far from human ability, far from anything we could create. It is in its own way perfect. Seemingly unharmed by the sin and ugly that consumes our world. At that moment you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is more. He is there.

thats my moment. you must understand that there is little i love more than the ocean, it is my favorite of God's creations outside of humans. so yep, hope you enjoy!

-abbie, abby, abbey

Writing

Reverbin it my friends!

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

k, lets go directly to the point. i watch me a lot of t.v., i love a little SVU after a long day of school and nannying, i could watch re-runs of friends all day, but couldn't we all? Can i complete rid my life of television? i think that neither necessary nor smart, i appreciate television and those who make it happen, so play on t.v. I should probably just work on a little bitty called self-control, spend a little journaling time before i snap that sucker on and turn into a drone.

second obstacle that keeps me from working the creative juices? FACEBOOK. hello dolly. i probably spend 2 hours on that puppy a day. that is so sad. what? ok, lets work a little moderation life. for real my friends. facebook is a problem. one for which i see no end.

But on a serious level, i love writing, i am an english major and as such i find increasingly more entertaining to express myself through the written word. it is truly a beautiful language that we possess, one that is often taken for granted, i love our language. i love words. i love sentences. the more i read the works of geniuses of the english language the more i truly appreciate what God has blessed us with, and that i am fortunate enough to have the ability to not only read and write but to comprehend and express. what a blessing. i could write all day. i don't but i could. and i think thats what truly matters. So yea, lets limit facebook and tv, lets take advatage of the fact that we can read and write and enjoy and compose and create and express and learn and grow. lets do it.

write on my friends.

-alay

Revelation

So, through reading my sisters blog I discovered a blogging movement called reverb10. It challenges people to, during the month of december, process the past year and prepare for the year to come. Honestly I think it sounds like a super idea, they provide prompts each day to help get the creative juices pumping. So here goes, for the next 31 days I will be reverbing10. Lets go.

Todays prompt:

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

My word that sums up the year 2010 is the word REVELATION. God has been doing an incredible amount of work in my life throughout this past year and it has truly been the biggest theme of 2010. Towards the beginning of the year I presented the Lord with a request, this was that He would break my pride, I told Him that I wanted Him to destroy it using whatever means necessary. I know that we often says these sorts of things to God not really expecting him to actually follow up, we say them thinking, "maybe He'll go easy on me since I was passionate enough to offer up everything, its the thought that counts right?" WRONG. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable right now, but i'm just gonna let you know that God has allowed me to be completely broken in every area of my pride. I have been humbled in both beautiful and painful ways. It has not at all been easy and I have cried more than ever in my life, but it is getting the job done in a big way. I have always struggled deeply with my pride and have grown to absolutely hate it over the past year, and finally i feel like the Lord is eradicating it from my life, it is unbelievably freeing and has allowed me to feel the greatest sense of peace and wholeness I have ever experienced. He has shown me, better yet revealed to me, so much of His love and faithfulness, no matter how much man may hurt me or disappoint He is always there crying with me, laughing with me, hurting with me, rejoicing with me, dancing over me. He is there. He is sufficient. His love is beautiful. I am so in love with my Lord. Beyond words. Beyond explanation. Beyond human understanding. I cannot hide my love.

Biggest blessing of 12/1/10?

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

hallelujah.

ok, well thats all I got for today. I'll reverb ya tomorrow.

abs.